Ep 11: Are You Having an Affair?

This is episode 11 of The Mom Mentor podcast. We’re talking about how having an idealized version of your spouse can lead to never being satisfied with the real thing.

Have you ever experienced annoyance over every little thing your husband does?

Or have you concentrated on the things you don’t like about him?

Or wished your spouse was a little more like Jacquie’s husband…more laid back? Or more like Beth’s husband…the life of the party?

EXCERPT

Then I heard that small inner voice very clearly … “You’re having an affair!”

“What? That’s ridiculous…I’m not having an affair.”

“Yes, you are. You are having an affair with an idealized version of your husband…It’s Chris, only better, newer, funner, more loving, neater…So the real Chris can never measure up. You’ve got your eyes on another man…and he doesn’t exist”…


RELATED POSTS

Want to go a little deeper?

Listen to this podcast when Kimberly Amici, Kimberly Coyle and I talk about The Importance of Making Time for Your Spouse

Here’s a post (almost a transcript of the podcast) on When You’re Having an Affair and You Don’t Even Know It

COACHING CHALLENGE

Coaching Challenge - Are you annoyed with your husband…critical and all to aware of his shortcomings…wishing your husband was more like someone else or an idealized version of himself? Write a list of 5 things you really like about your husband. Post them somewhere so you don’t forget…and keep adding to this list!

Podcast Host: Elise Daly Parker

Produced by: storyLOUD

For more information about Elise Daly Parker, please go to www.elisedalyparker.com

Ep 10: Connect Before You Correct

SHOW NOTES:

This is episode 10 of The Mom Mentor podcast. We’re talking about Connecting Before You Correct.

Do you ever feel like all you ever do is correct your kids?

Or maybe you’re caught in a pattern of doing business with your husband.

Even with family members and friends, life can get so busy juggling home life, work life, marriage, schedules…who has time for relationship?

There are four intentional steps you can take to ensure your relationships have a foundation of connection, which is one of the greatest needs of us humans.

EXCERPT

Connect Before You Correct can apply to so many situations in our lives and improve communications with those we love. It’s simple, but not necessarily easy because we have to form new habits. Connect before you Correct takes:

  • Understanding – indicating that you are at least making an effort to grasp the other person’s struggle or even personality.

  • Empathy slowing down just a bit to try to get in the other person’s shoes—kids, spouses, parents, even the grocery clerk.

  • Reflecting and Relating – Sharing your own relatable experience.

  • Brainstorming – A cooperative approach to a solution.

RELATED POSTS

Want to go a little deeper?

Listen to this podcast when Kimberly Amici, Noelle Rhodes and I got into more detail on this topic - Connect Before You Correct

Here’s a post on to Communicate with Your Kids so You Connect Before You Correct

Here’s a post on Communicating Better in Marriage So You Connect Before Your Correct

COACHING CHALLENGE

Coaching Challenge - Identify one relationship that you’d like to improve by connecting instead of correcting. Take one step forward in the relationship by intentionally working to understand that person’s perspective, struggle, or personality…especially if it’s different from yours.


Podcast Host: Elise Daly Parker

Produced by: storyLOUD

For more information about Elise Daly Parker, please go to www.elisedalyparker.com

Ep 9: When You Feel Like You Don't Have Anything to Offer

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Show Notes:

This is episode 9 of The Mom Mentor podcast. We’re talking about What Happens When We Undervalue Our Own Gifts

Here are some questions to consider in this episode:

  1. Do you undervalue your gifts, because they’re yours?

  2. Do you tend to dismiss some of the traits, gifts, abilities and talents that are yours because you figure if you’ve got them, everyone’s got them?

  3. Do you take what you have to offer for granted because you’re just used to being, for example, an encourager, good listener, math whiz, fill in the blank.

  4. Do you keep your gifts to yourself because of fear?

In this episode, we’ll talk about the problems that arise when we undervalue our own gifts.

EXCERPT

So just this year, 30+ years after beginning my career as an editor, it dawned on me. I have been dismissing my abilities, gifts, and capabilities regarding editing all these years. I always felt that being a good editor wasn’t enough, that I had to be shooting for something more lofty…like writing (picture blinking neon lights!). I brought my best always to my work. But it was as though I was constantly saying, “So what? An editor? I want to get paid to be a writer”…

RELATED POSTS

Want to go a little deeper?

Listen to this podcast - Discovering Your Core Values

Here’s a post on How Undervaluing Yourself Can Wreak Havoc on Your Marriage

COACHING CHALLENGE

Do you know what your gifts, talents, and skills are?

Coaching Challenge - What is one of your gifts? Consider one of your favorite gifts. Do one thing this week that demonstrates that you value your gift - invest in growing the gift, own your gift by sharing it or offering to serve someone with your gift, claim your gift by filling in the blank.

One thing I really value about myself is (Fill in the Blank).


Podcast Host: Elise Daly Parker

Produced by: storyLOUD

For more information about Elise Daly Parker, please go to www.elisedalyparker.com

Ep 7: Body Image

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Show Notes:

This is episode 7 of The Mom Mentor podcast. We’re talking about fun stuff like Body Image!

Body image is a loaded issue for so many of us. And because of that, it’s important to discuss.

Did you know that approximately 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and resort to dieting in an attempt to achieve their ideal body shape. And, unfortunately, only 5% of women naturally possess the body type often portrayed by Americans in the media.

No wonder we struggle with body image. We are holding ourselves up to impossible standards that 95% of us can’t naturally achieve!!

In this episode:

  • We’ll talk about how our poor body image can impact our children in hopes that we can become aware of the power of our words to affect our children in this area.

  • I’ll share some of my story about how I struggled with my own weight and how my parents unintentionally played a part in this struggle.

  • I’ll let you know the 5 Key Things I Learned about how to help my own kids have a healthy relationship with food and good body images.

EXCERPT

…One recent conversation was a powerful reminder of how much our words can impact our kids.

I was sharing with my 29-year-old daughter about how happy I was to be part of a program that includes a five-day workout routine, healthy eating, and some good coaching. I had lost weight and was feeling strong and healthy. I ended the conversation by saying, “But I hate my heavy legs!” I hung up the phone and those words lingered in my mind, “What? I don’t hate my legs. What a terrible thing to say. I can’t believe I said that. My legs keep me exercising and carry me around day in and day out.”

I shared this with my daughter by text. Her response was, “Oh good. Because if you hate your legs, I feel like I should hate mine!”

RELATED POSTS

Want to go a little deeper?

Here’s a podcast from Slices of Life called Making Peace with Our Bodies

Here’s a blog post on some changes I made to make my dream of getting fit come true.

Coaching Challenge

How do you feel about your body? What are you saying to your kids about this?

Coaching Challenge - Choose one part of your body you tend to criticize. What is one positive thing you can say about this? Record this somewhere…and let your kids hear you celebrate instead of denigrate your body!


Podcast Host: Elise Daly Parker

Produced by: storyLOUD

For more information about Elise Daly Parker, please go to www.elisedalyparker.com

Ep 6: Do You Trash Talk Your Husband, Kids or Life?

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Show Notes:

This is episode 6 of The Mom Mentor podcast. Here we’re talking about Trash Talking Your Husband, Kids, and Life.

Do you ever find yourself trash talking your husband, your kids, your life? It might feel good initially to get your frustration out, but the truth is this kind of talk leads to negative thoughts and emotions. So ultimately, instead of feeling better, we feel worse towards those very people we love.

In this episode:

  • We’ll unpack common scenarios that are ripe for trash talking and what we can do to change this.

  • I’ll share my story of how I came to see I was having conversations that led to magnifying my negative feelings. Who needs that? I’d much rather have a positive attitude. Wouldn’t you?

  • I lay out 3 steps you can take to shift your “thinkin’ stinkin’” so you can develop default thinking and speaking that focuses on the good instead of the bad.

EXCERPT

Do you ever find yourself getting together with a bunch of moms and bad-mouthing your husband? Do you meet with friends and yip-yap about how clueless, inattentive, thoughtless…fill in the blank…your husband is?

How about your kids? Do you complain about them to your mom, your husband, your neighbor?  Or compare them to your friend’s child...and your child comes out looking worse. “Wow...Tommy just offered Ellie a bite of his cookie. Ellie would never share like that!”

Your life? Do you enter a room huffing and puffing with exclamations of how you can’t believe what’s happened now...or how unbearable your schedule is as if you’re the only one suffering?

If you have, I assure you, you are not alone…

RELATED POSTS

Want to go a little deeper?

Here’s a podcast from Slices of Life called How to Use Your Words Well

Here’s a blog post on The Power of Gratitude - I find it’s the antidote to complaining.

related scripture

Here is a powerful scripture I mentioned in this podcast that’s related to thinking positively.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Phil 4:8


Podcast Host: Elise Daly Parker

Produced by: storyLOUD

For more information about Elise Daly Parker, please go to www.elisedalyparker.com

Ep 5: Anger + Rage ... Your Dirty Little Secret.

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Show Notes:

This is episode 5 of The Mom Mentor podcast. Here we’re talking about Anger and Rage - A Mama’s Dirty Little Secret.

Do you ever find yourself worn out, frustrated, disillusioned by the life you’re leading as a wife and mom? Maybe you imagined this life would be more fun and fancy-free, but it’s actually very difficult at times. Some days the mounting frustration leads to you losing your cool. You are not alone!

On this episode:

  • We’ll unpack some of the reasons why we lose our tempers.

  • I’ll share my story of how I had to come to grips with the effect of my words and my tone on my family…and what I did about it. THERE IS HOPE!

  • I’ll lay out 3 A’s - Admit, Attention, and Act - that can really help you calm down and change your behavior.

EXCERPT

Let’s just say my life as a wife and mom was not how I pictured it. It was far messier and more challenging than the ideal I conjured up!

Marriage? Well, it wasn’t nearly as romantic as I had imagined. I thought my husband would fill all my needs for love, connection, companionship. But he didn’t, he couldn’t…

Oh and mothering? Wow! What can I tell you? I had no idea…I didn’t know kids’ needs were endless. I didn’t know how demanding running a household would be…I never imagined the time and organization it took to keep up with laundry, meals, and eventually activities. I never anticipated visiting friends and comparing myself, my messy home, my sloppy clothes to them. I was supposed to be them.

When I let my frustration build, the dam would break, the anger flowed freely, I let loose a mouthful of rage.

Anybody?

RELATED POSTS

Want to go a little deeper?

Here’s a Two-Part Post on how reactivity, a close relative of rage, creates havoc.

Forgiveness - What’s Your One Percent?

The Journey Continues

And here’s a practical article from Lisa-Jo Baker, who has done a lot of work around mom tempers - 10 Things to do Differently Before You Lose Your Temper


Podcast Host: Elise Daly Parker

Produced by: storyLOUD

For more information about Elise Daly Parker, please go to www.elisedalyparker.com

EP 4: When Your Yes Needs To Be a Resounding No

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Show Notes:

This is episode 4 of The Mom Mentor podcast. Here we’re talking about When Your Yes Really Needs To Be a Resounding NO!

Do you find yourself saying yes to too much? If the answer is yes, you surely are not alone. But I want to save you some pain. You don’t have to say no to everything, you just want to say yes to the best things. <-Click to Tweet

On this episode:

  • We’ll unpack some of the whys behind our yesses

  • Share a little story about the consequences of when a yes should be no

  • Lay out clear steps to take so you can determine what your best yesses and nos are.

Excerpt

I am a yes girl. I say yes to things I need to say no to. I need to say no because I don’t have the time, or the bandwidth (which means there are just too many things weighing on my brain to do them all well). And when I was raising kids and running a busy household, saying yes to too many things caused me stress and anxiety that inevitably landed on my husband or my kids. I had too many To Dos, with way too many expectations I had put upon myself by saying yes to someone else.

Anybody?

Related Posts and Podcast

Want to go a little deeper?

Lies we believe that drive us to say yes - CLICK HERE - Blog Post

Why Non-Negotiables are so important - CLICK HERE - Podcast

Podcast Host: Elise Daly Parker

Produced by: storyLOUD

For more information about Elise Daly Parker, please go to www.elisedalyparker.com