Episode 21 -A Vision for Your Friendships Part 1- How to Solve Mom Loneliness
Hey Mama who is tired of feeling lonely…
One Harvard study reports 51% of moms with young children feel lonely. Because I was a young mom once and regularly talk to moms of young children, I know this season can be a lonely one.
Moms feel lonely for lots of valid reasons
They are consumed with their children, which takes a lot of time and energy.
It can feel awkward, scary, shameful, exhausting, embarrassing, needy - the list goes on – to be the one looking for friends.
Developing relationships takes effort and our brains are wired (scientific fact) to seek safety and comfort – so we resist stepping out of our comfort zones.
I hope you feel validated – if you feel lonely, you are not alone!
Here's a little story about how I overcame the hurdles of making friends when I became a mom.
Up until the time I became a mother, I always had situations – classrooms, ballfields, choir groups, workplaces – that naturally gathered me together with other people.
But then, suddenly, I was a stay-at-home mom. The first couple of months with a new baby, I stayed pretty close to home.
But eventually, I was ready to go to the park each day. Rumor had it that’s where all the moms were. And I was starting to feel isolated and lonely.
When I imagined mothering, part of my mental picture was to have a community of mom friends. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
I had a really tough time getting out the door “on time.” Many moms got to the park between 8 – 9 am and by about 10 am were headed home for their baby’s first nap. As I entered the park, the moms would smile and wave as they exitedthe park.
And then it happened, I noticed one other mom was entering the park about the same time I was! Eureka – I had found her. A mom who was not a morning person just like me!! We became fast friends. Even our husbands liked one another.
But, I had to both change some of what I pictured and work on making my visions a reality.
Changing my vision meant I had to accept I wasn’t a perky morning mom and wasn’t the mom who had her baby on a strict 10 am nap schedule. But I was a mom who needed a friend and I wasn’t alone. Thank God for Andrea!!
Making my vision of motherhood friendship a reality meant I had to work to develop what I really wanted. So, when I could, I got to the park a little earlier. I pushed out of
my comfort zone and chatted with moms I didn’t know. And when a mom asked me to come to her house for coffee, I responded with a resounding, “yes!”
What’s your vision for mom friendship?
Think back to when you imagined what motherhood friendships would look like.
Are your friendships what you imagined?
Are you lonely? Would you like more friends, less? Closer friends, or maybe you’d like to pull back from a friend or two?
On a scale of 1-10, one is a high level of satisfaction and 10 is low, what number would you give your current friendships?
What one step can you take to move closer to your ideal picture of friendship? Invite a friend over for coffee
Call a friend to chat
Attend a Bible study, book group, lecture to connect with new people
Go to a park with the kids and meet the mom pushing her child on the swing next to you
How can you adjust your vision of friendships so you’re not feeling frustrated or disappointed? What can you let go of so you can appreciate what you have?
If you’re feeling lonely, remember you’re not alone. There’s another equally lonely mom looking to connect with you.